Kelly Herrera

Tonight was absolutely terrible.

While unloading the dishwasher, I noticed the water hadn’t emptied out of the bottom.  Because I’m a fucking idiot, I decide to turn on the garbage disposal.  Dirty water with pieces of pasta shoot in the air like a geyser, soaking the entire kitchen. 

While cleaning that mess up, I hear Danny from the other room go, “UH OH!” He’d dropped his entire dinner on the floor.  Chester was busy working on a bone I’d just given him, so my normal vacuum cleaner was unavailable.

At 9 pm, after cleaning pasta water out of my hair and my copy of Fifty Shades of Grey (that, I deserved) I finally sit down to eat dinner.  I’ve barely started chewing when a spider (hanging from some invisible web) drops down right in front of my fucking face like I was in Charlotte’s Web or something. 

Then Danny, left alone for approximately five minutes while I attempted to fix the dishwasher situation, took the plastic drawers out of a little storage unit we got for his Legos.  He’d put a drawer on each of his hands, on top of his head, and on both of his feet when I walked into the living room.  “Look, I’m a Transformer,” he said, while skiing across the living room floor with his drawer feet.   

I’m a patient person, but I have my limits. 

I asked Danny today how my hair looked, and he said, “Honestly, not good.”  He was wearing pajamas, a tie, one Spiderman winter glove, a Captain America mask, and goggles ON TOP of the mask to bring the whole look together.  

  Him: